Bribes and Punishments are not Solutions

Bribes, punishments and rewards are all disciplinary techniques we use to get our children to eat.  Bribes and rewards are really the same.  We promise X if the child will eat Y.   The flip side of this technique is punishing a child for not eating.  Many parents have told me that they have had success with these techniques and I don’t doubt that. 

But these techniques produce children who eat for the wrong reasons. These children are eating to either avoid or gain something else.  That’s not an emotionally healthy reason to eat.    A healthy eater is a child who eats when they are hungry and stops when they are full.  Forcing a child to eat with bribes, punishments and rewards allows the parent to feel better; they got their child to eat some “healthy” food, for their own good.  The parent may feel like they have done a good job, but they actually did their child’s job.  For long term results it is best to let a child to decide whether to eat or not. 

Creating a healthy eater includes creating a child with healthy life long eating patterns.  I child that is eating for a reward or bribe or to avoid punishment will certainly not choose to eat those foods once on his own.  And children are on their own earlier than you might expect.  Some schools have first kindergarteners going through the cafeteria line.  A child who has the opportunity to try new foods when they are ready will gradually widen their food choices.  These children, once they decide they like tomatoes, will always like tomatoes.  A child forced to eat a tomato will likely avoid them, not because of the taste, but because of the memories associated with eating tomatoes.

Allowing a child to have dessert if they eat their dinner is a bribe or reward.  With holding dessert because a child did not eat dessert is the same as a punishment.  So, what should you do it your family likes to have a fun dessert after dinner?  I recommend any of three approaches.  The simplest is to have the fun dessert at another time, either a snack earlier in the day or later in the evening.  Another is sometimes harder for parents to do, but more effective in the long run.  Whether a child eats dinner or not, let them have a child sized portion of the dessert.  If this child has been offered a variety of healthy foods during the day, they may not really need dinner.  If the child eats the dessert instead of dinner, they will be hungry very soon after dessert.  Now hunger will teach them why they need to eat dinner.  Do not give them any other food when this happens, but feel free to explain to them that they are probably hungry because they only had dessert for dinner.  Your last choice is the hardest for parents.  Put the dessert out with all of the other dinner foods at the beginning of the meal.  Yes, your child will likely eat the dessert first, but as it is just for fun and only 1 portion is available, they will be most likely still hungry after having this fun food.  Then they will probably eat dinner.